Effective Leaders are Master Relationship Builders

Recently, I had the opportunity to take part in a wonderful conversation about leadership and the attributes that all great leaders must possess.  We dove into an intense conversation about how leaders need to not only build relationships but they are always transparent and communicate using straight talk.  Here are a few of my thoughts on leadership as a teacher, as a teacher working with principals and then as a leader.

Our recent conversation made me first think about my personal experience as a teacher, leader and future leader.  Despite reading many great books and articles on leadership, the most important factor that has helped shape my experience as a leader was a great quote that my mentor teacher told me on the first day of my earliest practicum.  He explained “the most important thing to do as a teacher is to build relationships first.  Once you build strong relationships with your students you can get them to do anything – good or bad.”  Now, despite my initial shock about the “bad” part of this comment, I quickly realized that as teachers we would always try to put the students first – he and I would always strive towards the good.

Since that conversation, I have always strived to build relationships with my students first.  Although that may sound easy or even redundant to say, I can with all honesty say that most teachers don`t experience the benefits of great relationships as much as others.  And I get why!  Most teachers are constantly bombarded with the pressures of their packed curriculum, final assessments, large classroom sizes, teacher assessments, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, marking, and the list goes on. But the benefits of commanding a classroom of students that truly feel that they have an important relationship with you and therefore will get to work or get back to work at the slightest asking is in fact glorious – it certainly makes the previous list easier.  This feeling of mutual respect allows for more engagement – and dare I say more instant engagement – which allows the teacher to deal with classroom management less.  Moreover, this allows for the teacher and students to actually dig deeper into whatever is on their plate for that day.

Ok, Ok, I just read that all back to myself and it still sounds like fluff!  This is how I do it; I first seek out opportunities to initiate relationships.  For example, I teach physical education and make sure it`s fun to almost all every day, I coach many sports teams which builds great lasting relationships, I run a fun and important social justice program, I play with the students in the gym at lunch, I am up to date with technology and can often still out knowledge my students in this area, I have incorporated science Friday in my classroom, I try to always have a great hook to start my lessons to create interest, but above all, I seek out as many conversations as I possibly can!  Yes, conversations but not just hey how was your weekend type conversations.  Real conversations with always a hint of humor – I learnt that from a great colleague of mine – and an outwardly obviously focus/interest on what they have to say back.  Here’s my real effective point, I don’t just do this here and there, it`s my intent to do this almost every time I see them – my students would agree with you probably with a smirk. I will always engage with them when I see them in the hallway…..always.  Now, I won`t be able to get them all but I will sure try to get to at least one student every time – even when I’m focused on another daily teaching task!  This is a crucial point that I see most teachers overlook because of our limited time and the aforementioned list.  However, this is also the thing that creates greater engagement in my class and allows me to have more meaningful time while I am teaching.

Once a teacher gets to this level of comfort they can have those real or serious conversations that involved personal issues, family issues, academics and day to day behavior problems – with a greater care and understanding that is actually absorbed on a deeper level.  I will look to have these serious 1-on-1 conversations many times a week and are often asked to have these conversations from colleagues because of the established relationship with that student.  It is after these occasions that I realize that I became a teacher not teach the curriculum but to first be a mentor that will help shape these students into great adults.

Granted, I can do this because I have taught for several years.  I have a very solid knowledge of my curriculum and can actually place it second – it`s still very important but I know I will accomplish all of what I need.  I place building our relationship first and have realized that in most cases the schooling will take care of itself!  A scary thought for all of us teachers I know!  However, I didn`t just get to this point overnight and need to stress that these relationships need to be built long before – and constantly and I mean constantly reinforced – before you can see these successes.  But you teachers out there have already started building; we just need to keep striving to constantly get better at relationship building.  On a side note, some naysayers might say that I don`t have the same kind of students as them.  I’ve thought about that extensively and know that this really does works for all – it has at all four schools that I had the privilege to teach at with different demographics.  And I do agree that the world is not black and white, however, kids are just kids no matter where they grow up.  They want a trustable leader to look up to.  I have that and always want that!  Moreover, I can also remember the first month and a half at my current school, where there was a warmup period.  Students didn’t know about this new teacher and most weren’t used to having a male teacher to boot.  This does take time.

Now as a teacher I have also had the privilege to have worked with some passionate leaders – teachers, principals, bosses and coaches.  And have come to realize that the individuals that I have respected the most were those ones that I had a strong relationship with. They cared, they showed interest, and they constantly worked to build relationships with as many as they could.  Sound familiar.  I have also come to realize that I have been fully engaged for the leaders I respected and less engaged for others – just like my students!  A stronger relationship with my principal fostered a deeper sense of importance to our cause – whatever it was that day, week, month or year.  With a highly respected leader it was as if I was empowered to help our cause.  In addition, this stronger relationship also allowed our conversations to be more open and “real” allowing for straight talk. I trusted and I was not disappointed in the end!  This was important for me.

Teacher, colleague, principal, boss, coach, friend, family or parent, we will all find are selves in a leadership role at some point.  In the future, look to foster relationships first and then deal with the rest.  Hopefully, I will be able foster the same feelings that many of my colleagues have fostered in our relationships.  As in teaching, great leaders build relationships and constantly strive to reinforce them by demonstrating concern, creating transparency and using straight talk.  Just as great teachers look for opportunities to initiate relationships, great leaders can help their cause by creating opportunities away from the environment in which they must govern (school).

Now, I’ve made many mistakes as a leader and all good leaders do.  So I will leave you with something that I always preach to my kids, “I hope you F.A.I.L. because that is the first attempt in learning.” And to be a great leader, you must fail here and there.  But as long as you strive towards the good and learn from your mistakes you will be efficient, empowering and respected – and great leaders are just this!

Thanks for your read,

Shawn Allison – Teacher